“It is very likely that at some time in your life, you will come into painful contact with a psychopath. For your own physical, psychological and financial well-being, it is crucial that you know how to identify the psychopath, how to protect yourself, and how to minimize the harm done to you.”
(Dr Robert Hare, “Without Conscience; The Hidden World of the Psychopaths Amongst Us”)
Who would knowingly set out to exploit other people? To ruin reputations with lies? To play mind games with vulnerable people? To stalk an ex partner?
Malice is beyond the comprehension of most normal people are concerned, but then psychopaths aren’t normal people. They think differently to us. It makes them feel powerful to cause suffering. Their personality is disordered.
The majority of domestic abusers, con artists, stalkers, rapists, serial killers and child molesters are psychopaths. That’s why recognizing and avoiding them is essential to a happy life.
However most people behind bars aren’t psychopaths. Most prisoners are capable of rehabilitation. In fact only one fifth of those in prison are psychopaths. But, as criminologists point out, the psychopathic inmates commit predatory crimes, like rape,serial homicide, preying on children, and stalking.
As one forensic psychologist Dr J Reid Meloy writes: “predatory violence is not independent of the psychopathic process, and, in fact, appears to be quite dependent upon psychopathy.”
But whether they end up in jail or not – and plenty of them are doing very well on Wall Street instead- researchers conclude that psychopaths in their every day lives have a hard wired predatory mind-set. They are ruthless and willing to disregard the social and moral contracts that the rest of us abide by. They have a contempt for normal law-abiding citizens, whom they are quick to exploit.
Given this mindset, there is no psychopath who is harmless. In relationships. a psychopath leaves a trail of human wreckage and broken hearts wherever he goes. Does he feel bad about this? Psychopaths don’t experience remorse. The opposite is true. Psychopaths enjoy an aggressive satisfaction at making others suffer.
Psychiatrists estimate 80-% of psychopaths are male, and the majority of them are heterosexual.
Psychopaths are said to be 50-95% of stalkers (estimates vary between experts) , 50% and upwards of domestic abusers, 100% of con artists, 95% of serial killers and between 50 and 90% of serial rapists.
Trained hospital staff has observed that male psychopaths are able to dupe and manipulate females more easily than males. Most men sense there is something ‘off’ about them. But females are often charmed. The same is true with female psychopaths. Other women see through them more easily than men do.
There is always a high cost when an individual lets a psychopath into his or her life. Embarking on a relationship with a predatory individual with no conscience and a lot of aggression… isn’t going to lead living happily ever after. That’s because psychopaths are unable to relate to another human being without using them. Every intimate relationship inevitably becomes a power struggle, and psychopaths are obsessed with being the one in control.
Because psychopaths enjoy playing mind games, anyone who works in close contact with psychopaths over a prolonged period of time is vulnerable to developing PTSD . As former head of Quantico Roger Depue tells it “sometimes, no matter how hard the best profilers tried to avoid it” the psychopath got through their defense systems.
For that reason most psychiatrists today refuse to accept psychopathic clients. Also, because many doctors have been stalked by psychopathic clients.
But what about family members, who usually don’t even know about psychopaths until the damage has been done, and they are sitting in a psychiatrists’ office? Why weren’t they taught to recognize this disorder, so they could make an informed choice when it came to choosing an intimate partner?
Many women –and men- have had their lives destroyed by a psychopath.
In my upcoming book. ‘The Girls Guide to Predators’ I survey the personality traits that indicate a dangerously disordered personality. I will give you a brief run down on the history of psychopathy, what the term means, and how to recognize when you are being conned.
One of the tell tale signs of psychopaths is pathological deception, so I will provide a list of red flags indicating you are being lied to. Another is extreme narcissism. There’s a chapter on that.
What about the danger of making a false identification? It’s my view that if someone has the red flags of psychopathy, you don’t want to have an intimate relationship with them anyway.
If you have just left a dangerous relationship I will tell you the precautions to take if you are being stalked. If you are trying to divorce a psychopath, I will explain the common tactics the psychopath will try to use to financially avenge himself upon you.
In relationships with psychopaths, the “victimization goes far beyond trying to take advantage of someone on a date or during a simple business transaction.
The victimization is predatory in nature; it often leads to severe financial, physical or emotional harm for the individual. ”
(Dr Robert Hare and Dr Paul Babiak)